Do you remember the butterflies, the random texts, and the secret glances from across the room? Fast forward a few years, and it can feel like your relationship is on autopilot, with all the passion replaced with carpools and paying bills. Trust rebuilding therapy deal with this all the time. Here are some things they often say to help that old flame come back to life.

Stop expecting big things to happen first. The tiny things you do every day can make you feel close to someone. For example, hugging them before work, leaving a note under their coffee mug, or binge-watching silly comedies together after the kids go to bed. Say something nice or helpful when your partner does anything nice or useful. People quickly pick up on sincere thanks.

New things are good for you. Routine isn’t bad, but it can make you lose your passion. Have you ever considered about taking a salsa class together, going to an escape room, or creating a food you’ve never heard of? When you do new things together, you make memories that bring you closer together and give you new energy.

Make time on purpose. Does that sound impossible? Even just 15 minutes a day without kids, screens, or chores can make a big difference. Try “mini-dates,” like having coffee on the porch in the morning, playing cards before bed, or taking the dog for a walk around the block. Not being extravagant is important here; consistency is.

Don’t be afraid to remember. Look through old pictures, talk about your first date again, or laugh at the most embarrassing things you’ve done together. Counselors often see that couples who remember what they loved about their past are able to get back together faster in the present.

Even when you’re not in bed, touch each other. Holding hands at the store, rubbing each other’s necks gently, or leaning against each other during a movie might help you feel closer to each other. These little things do a lot to melt any remaining frost.

Talk about what makes you excited, even if it’s awkward. Talking openly about your wants, dreams, and plans for the future builds trust and excitement. And if you start to feel nervous, remember that being open and honest is frequently the first step toward real closeness, not something to be afraid of.

Finally, it’s important to laugh. Make fun of your oddities. While you cook, dance to music you really like. Therapists say that couples who don’t take themselves too seriously and add fun when things become boring likely to get through challenging times with their spark still there.

You don’t need to do something crazy or be on TV. Reigniting connection means paying attention on purpose, being honest with your feelings, and being willing to start over and over again, one small spark at a time.